On a ear ending note..

As I sit to write this blog, I try to recollect.. how many times I've been good this year, how many times my thoughts and acts were nothing less than diabolical, how many friends I could keep in touch with, how many I did let go in life's usual course, how many times I felt greatful for the life I were living and how many times I cursed myself for making the wrong choice and having put myself into the resultant mess ... How many numbers.. how many things to keep track of and use as a measure against self-improvement...

I guess this year was pretty bad if I see the no. of times I lost my composure over petty things.. But I guess this year was quite a ray of hope if the instances where I kept my patience were anything to go by... I guess one can not correctly create a balance sheet at the end of a 365 days period.. but yes one can definitely say in which direction is the personality skewed.. it could be the positivity of knowing where one is wrong and actually taking responsibility for it.. or it could be the pessimistic view of blaming others and everything between heaven and earth (except oneself of course)...

And life dwells more in moments than years and days... I lost two of my family members due to old age and sickness this year and mourned two sudden, unexpected deaths in families of friends.. and there were a few more that kept me grounded at least for a day or two on how bitter life can be... How all dreams get washed off in the split of a second, one can learn from Life or rather its final culmination...

And I truly lived more deeply in these moments and in those that brought joy to my soul .. than any of the 365 days put together.. Sad, how we waste life.. and how it wastes us when time passes.. I guess I copied one of the poets who said - 'I wasted time and now doth time waste me...'

I lived truly, madly, deeply in the moments when love engulfed me, took me in its embrace and shut me from the world.. when it brought the child in me back to life, pure and unadulterated.. i lived pasionately when I gave form to my dreams, challenged boundations, bursted myths and opened my own company after a 3 yr. successful career which could have just been better by each passing day..

I lived truly... Its music to ears... the sound of the smiles that one smiles from heart... due to all the satisfaction that one garnered.. the sigh of having achieved something after all the efforts... This was it.. this year end audit of the plus and minus... on a ear ending note.